Mudder***ker (You have to make your own fun in Cornwall)

A Cornish man has been arrested for masturbating into manure. David Truscott liked to visit Woodbury House Farm, strip down to his shorts and beat off in a water trough. The farmer got suspicious after noticing the shape of an arse, two hand prints and a pile of discarded tissues in his manure, and tipped off the police. They caught Truscott in the farm's muckspreader wanking himself into a froth, wearing just shiny red shorts and rubber gloves. When they searched his home the police found 360 pairs of women's knickers, containers of liquid sludge and some hard mud.

(from www.popbitch.com)